Confessions

When I was in college and I having sex with my boyfriend in my dorm room,we heard and feeling that someone were there. My friend Peter was approaching, so I ran to my closet and hide myself then Peter did open the door and peek on us. we were under the covers and he ask my boyfriend where I was and where is the project homework ? then my boyfriend said um I don't know where is it and she is in the closet and hide herself. I had run out. Luckily, I 'd grabbed my phone from the bed, so I texted to my friend Peter who work with me for project presenter and asking if he needed anything. Peter said oh, she texted me! I going meet her at library later" but he wanted a chill with me in my dorm and doing our project lab. I told him I left notes in the lab and will get it later same time meet him at library. I don't want him to see my personal sex life. that's so close whew!.



Love, Channy \m/_

Dates from hell

Dates from hell in my past with guys.

"A dude I met from my training school and I thought he is mad cool and handsome guy ever.  when we're getting know each other and asking each other like trivia question games. then finally he ask me go out for date on couples times. we did going to basketball game on our trivia question challenge that was fun. second date he ask me again for out again then we did went to museum of sex was so fun but same time we did make a stupid choices same time we become horny and drink some vodka so whisper each other " let's go to bathroom' then we were make out and did purpose have sex in bathroom at Pizza's store!. after that we're felt embarrassment then nothing happen. few days later we did talking and he did ditch on me also tell me he want a friend with me somehow I feel hurt same time my heart broken."

Love,channy \m/_

Nailed It

Traumarama

Oh...My...Awkward....

The first time I tried press-on nails, I was really happy with the way they'd turned out. It was a little 

hard to use my hands, but I managed until Chemistry class. We did an experiment that involved flicking clothespins into plastic cups, and when it was my turn, I flicked a clothespin so hard that my nail flew off and hit another lab group's table. the group cracked up, and a cute boy awkwardly slid it back to me. I tried to laugh. but it was so not funny.

Love, Channy \m/_

MY SKIN STOLE MY HAPPINESS

I just decide share with my reveal my emotional battle and how I learning to handle it.

I used to have clear skin for short time . In fact, my friends and teachers would compliment me on how great it looked, making me feel pretty and confident.
But in my senior year, I always excited about my senior moment have prom, homecoming, and trips etc... started getting breakouts and things changed. At first, I didn't think my acne was unusual: You get a pimple,treat it, and it clear up. But mine didn't go away. Finally I graduated high school and that's over for me.  In the Summer, I could tell by people's long awkward glances that they were grossed out by my face of swollen red zits, I ready to leave away to college, that stares increased, and I became more self-conscious. I tried every over the counter face wash and cream out there, and I started caking on foundation, concealer, and powder to hide the bumps, pimples and scars, Nothing worked. I decide to withdrawal from college, so my insurance wouldn't even cover a dermatologist visit.
I began distancing myself from friends, thinking they'd embarrassed to be seen with me, and I hardly left my room. When I did go out, friend would recommend acne products, and I sensed overwhelming disgust radiation from strangers. I wished I could scream, "I wash my face three times a day and still look this. Don't judge me!"

THE BREAKING POINT

Eight month into my acne nightmare, I worked up the courage to go out to dinner with friends, Afterward, in my room, my pent up anxiety  sent me into a panic attack. I began hate myself crying  hysterically, thinking that everyone was disgusted by face. I shook uncontrollably, couldn't control my breathing, my body and mind went numb. I did called my best friend to asking how anyone could stand to be seen with me. I felt helpless and not pretty.
 A week later, I met with a friend who experience with acne, and she felt I was suffering from social anxiety  and clinical depression she recommended I see a dermatologist and suggest I confide in close friends and family so I don't feel alone. (it's helped) because of insurance reason and can't help to habit picky,squeeze into pimples.
I haven't been go to dermatologist yet, but four month ago my regular doctor told me and suggest try  birth control and an anti-inflammatory antibiotic. they've worked a bit, but I still have severe acne.
I hate that society makes me feel less pretty because of a thing I can't control. but I 'm working on loving myself.
When I feel insecure, I throw myself into reality and work (I'm proud to be in honor to became mother and god mother. No matter what people say. it is what's on the inside that matter most. And I'm doing my best everyday to remember that.


Love, Channy \m/_

HOW ACNE GAVE ME CONFIDENCE

I remember to feel used to be happily became unexpected upside on my struggle for acne skin early.

When I used to be young pretty girl until I entered to high school my skin itself change break out acne.

" you used to be pretty  until you become a pimple"  that's an exactly I saw message text from somewhere book when I was 7th grade. Yes I did have early acne, but up until then, I had always been self assured. At that moment, every positive thought I had about myself  vanished. I hated looking at myself in the mirror, and I was paranoid that people were talking about me behind my back. I was proven right when I came into school after I got braces and saw my guy friends make faces at each other, as if to say "how could she have gotten any worse?". I graduate middle school and entered to high school in my freshmen year started taking care of myself and started to taking the acne isotretinioin, and thought, fresh start! But  the medicine came with downsides. One big one? My skin become extremely breakout dry, and I was super anxious that people were staring at my severely chapped lips and wondering what was wrong with me.

A weird change 

My mom also struggled with bad skin  when she was younger, and he told me that have " having acne builds character". it turn out she was right. As the months went on, I began looking people in the eye when I was talking to them, I spoke up in class, and I didn't mind being the center of attention. I became really outgoing it was a defense mechanism against my insecurities. I reasoned that if people liked my personality, they couldn't  laugh at the way my skin looked. And I think for the most part I was right. because I can't recall a time during that year that I was ridiculed for my skin.

After eight months on medication, I had smooth and clear skin. But as I went into my sophomore year, my acne started to return again. I didn't go back to the med, thought by the I had enough confidence that my breakouts didn't my self esteem. plus I didn't want to deal with the side effects again, Instead, I figured out an at home regimen that worked most of the time.

A Silver lining 

Today, my skin will still is not perfect by any mean and I get insecure at times. But now I'm armed with wisdom that you can never rely on looks alone. (I also learned that having bad skin will not change the way people who truly care about you will treat you.) Having acne seemed like the end of the world, but I see that it was actually a blessing in disguise. I t can make you strong and empathetic and there should be more people our age like that. 

Love, Channy \m/_

Roll with it

Traumarama


Oh. My. Awkward.

I'm kind of a picker eater a date and  my crush asked me to go the Japanese Restaurant. When we got there, I was so nervous that I didn't want to mention I'd  never eat sushi  before. I ordered a few rolls and when they come out I was so excited to see what I thought was a side of guacamole, I scooped it all  into my mouth and immediately tasted it was wasabi. my eye started tearing but I tired to play cool like I knew what I was doing. My crush ordered me  a ice cream to help I didn't feel cool but at least my mouth did!





LoVe, Channy _\m/

Reject on V-Day

During my freshmen year of high school I had the biggest crush on a guy in my English class period.  He always played the basketball and carry the ball everyday also adorable dimple smile,
the most incredible of his eye and handsome face. I would smile and make small talk with him but he always ended up striking up a super-animated conversation with another girls or asking someone else to be his date for dance.
I remember feeling totally rejected on during  early week before valentine day. What  didn't he look at me like he did the girls? But I look back, I've come to realize what I experiencing was rejext.
Rejection entails putting yourself out there, making your voice heard, and getting a hard no. It's  no fun and its stings  it make you eat an entire ice cream and a batch of chocolate chip cookies that's why I  was depression.  Reject,howeve is constantly  thinking, I should've. ...... or what if .......
And never taking action because you fear or feel rejection. I should have at least asked my crush out instead of mentally trying to will him approach me.
Finally I decided to approach him and asked him I did confession to him then he told me that he admitted like me and try ask me for date but I give him attitude and kept ignored him that why he decided to do something same thing to me  sound like karma. I realize I feel totally Idiot myself and took learn my lesson.

I give you advice  is least ask to your crush out for valentine day and don't be fear yourself.  Good luck!

Love, channy \m/_