MY SKIN STOLE MY HAPPINESS

I just decide share with my reveal my emotional battle and how I learning to handle it.

I used to have clear skin for short time . In fact, my friends and teachers would compliment me on how great it looked, making me feel pretty and confident.
But in my senior year, I always excited about my senior moment have prom, homecoming, and trips etc... started getting breakouts and things changed. At first, I didn't think my acne was unusual: You get a pimple,treat it, and it clear up. But mine didn't go away. Finally I graduated high school and that's over for me.  In the Summer, I could tell by people's long awkward glances that they were grossed out by my face of swollen red zits, I ready to leave away to college, that stares increased, and I became more self-conscious. I tried every over the counter face wash and cream out there, and I started caking on foundation, concealer, and powder to hide the bumps, pimples and scars, Nothing worked. I decide to withdrawal from college, so my insurance wouldn't even cover a dermatologist visit.
I began distancing myself from friends, thinking they'd embarrassed to be seen with me, and I hardly left my room. When I did go out, friend would recommend acne products, and I sensed overwhelming disgust radiation from strangers. I wished I could scream, "I wash my face three times a day and still look this. Don't judge me!"

THE BREAKING POINT

Eight month into my acne nightmare, I worked up the courage to go out to dinner with friends, Afterward, in my room, my pent up anxiety  sent me into a panic attack. I began hate myself crying  hysterically, thinking that everyone was disgusted by face. I shook uncontrollably, couldn't control my breathing, my body and mind went numb. I did called my best friend to asking how anyone could stand to be seen with me. I felt helpless and not pretty.
 A week later, I met with a friend who experience with acne, and she felt I was suffering from social anxiety  and clinical depression she recommended I see a dermatologist and suggest I confide in close friends and family so I don't feel alone. (it's helped) because of insurance reason and can't help to habit picky,squeeze into pimples.
I haven't been go to dermatologist yet, but four month ago my regular doctor told me and suggest try  birth control and an anti-inflammatory antibiotic. they've worked a bit, but I still have severe acne.
I hate that society makes me feel less pretty because of a thing I can't control. but I 'm working on loving myself.
When I feel insecure, I throw myself into reality and work (I'm proud to be in honor to became mother and god mother. No matter what people say. it is what's on the inside that matter most. And I'm doing my best everyday to remember that.


Love, Channy \m/_