MY SKIN STOLE MY HAPPINESS

I just decide share with my reveal my emotional battle and how I learning to handle it.

I used to have clear skin for short time . In fact, my friends and teachers would compliment me on how great it looked, making me feel pretty and confident.
But in my senior year, I always excited about my senior moment have prom, homecoming, and trips etc... started getting breakouts and things changed. At first, I didn't think my acne was unusual: You get a pimple,treat it, and it clear up. But mine didn't go away. Finally I graduated high school and that's over for me.  In the Summer, I could tell by people's long awkward glances that they were grossed out by my face of swollen red zits, I ready to leave away to college, that stares increased, and I became more self-conscious. I tried every over the counter face wash and cream out there, and I started caking on foundation, concealer, and powder to hide the bumps, pimples and scars, Nothing worked. I decide to withdrawal from college, so my insurance wouldn't even cover a dermatologist visit.
I began distancing myself from friends, thinking they'd embarrassed to be seen with me, and I hardly left my room. When I did go out, friend would recommend acne products, and I sensed overwhelming disgust radiation from strangers. I wished I could scream, "I wash my face three times a day and still look this. Don't judge me!"

THE BREAKING POINT

Eight month into my acne nightmare, I worked up the courage to go out to dinner with friends, Afterward, in my room, my pent up anxiety  sent me into a panic attack. I began hate myself crying  hysterically, thinking that everyone was disgusted by face. I shook uncontrollably, couldn't control my breathing, my body and mind went numb. I did called my best friend to asking how anyone could stand to be seen with me. I felt helpless and not pretty.
 A week later, I met with a friend who experience with acne, and she felt I was suffering from social anxiety  and clinical depression she recommended I see a dermatologist and suggest I confide in close friends and family so I don't feel alone. (it's helped) because of insurance reason and can't help to habit picky,squeeze into pimples.
I haven't been go to dermatologist yet, but four month ago my regular doctor told me and suggest try  birth control and an anti-inflammatory antibiotic. they've worked a bit, but I still have severe acne.
I hate that society makes me feel less pretty because of a thing I can't control. but I 'm working on loving myself.
When I feel insecure, I throw myself into reality and work (I'm proud to be in honor to became mother and god mother. No matter what people say. it is what's on the inside that matter most. And I'm doing my best everyday to remember that.


Love, Channy \m/_

HOW ACNE GAVE ME CONFIDENCE

I remember to feel used to be happily became unexpected upside on my struggle for acne skin early.

When I used to be young pretty girl until I entered to high school my skin itself change break out acne.

" you used to be pretty  until you become a pimple"  that's an exactly I saw message text from somewhere book when I was 7th grade. Yes I did have early acne, but up until then, I had always been self assured. At that moment, every positive thought I had about myself  vanished. I hated looking at myself in the mirror, and I was paranoid that people were talking about me behind my back. I was proven right when I came into school after I got braces and saw my guy friends make faces at each other, as if to say "how could she have gotten any worse?". I graduate middle school and entered to high school in my freshmen year started taking care of myself and started to taking the acne isotretinioin, and thought, fresh start! But  the medicine came with downsides. One big one? My skin become extremely breakout dry, and I was super anxious that people were staring at my severely chapped lips and wondering what was wrong with me.

A weird change 

My mom also struggled with bad skin  when she was younger, and he told me that have " having acne builds character". it turn out she was right. As the months went on, I began looking people in the eye when I was talking to them, I spoke up in class, and I didn't mind being the center of attention. I became really outgoing it was a defense mechanism against my insecurities. I reasoned that if people liked my personality, they couldn't  laugh at the way my skin looked. And I think for the most part I was right. because I can't recall a time during that year that I was ridiculed for my skin.

After eight months on medication, I had smooth and clear skin. But as I went into my sophomore year, my acne started to return again. I didn't go back to the med, thought by the I had enough confidence that my breakouts didn't my self esteem. plus I didn't want to deal with the side effects again, Instead, I figured out an at home regimen that worked most of the time.

A Silver lining 

Today, my skin will still is not perfect by any mean and I get insecure at times. But now I'm armed with wisdom that you can never rely on looks alone. (I also learned that having bad skin will not change the way people who truly care about you will treat you.) Having acne seemed like the end of the world, but I see that it was actually a blessing in disguise. I t can make you strong and empathetic and there should be more people our age like that. 

Love, Channy \m/_