MY SKIN STOLE MY HAPPINESS

I just decide share with my reveal my emotional battle and how I learning to handle it.

I used to have clear skin for short time . In fact, my friends and teachers would compliment me on how great it looked, making me feel pretty and confident.
But in my senior year, I always excited about my senior moment have prom, homecoming, and trips etc... started getting breakouts and things changed. At first, I didn't think my acne was unusual: You get a pimple,treat it, and it clear up. But mine didn't go away. Finally I graduated high school and that's over for me.  In the Summer, I could tell by people's long awkward glances that they were grossed out by my face of swollen red zits, I ready to leave away to college, that stares increased, and I became more self-conscious. I tried every over the counter face wash and cream out there, and I started caking on foundation, concealer, and powder to hide the bumps, pimples and scars, Nothing worked. I decide to withdrawal from college, so my insurance wouldn't even cover a dermatologist visit.
I began distancing myself from friends, thinking they'd embarrassed to be seen with me, and I hardly left my room. When I did go out, friend would recommend acne products, and I sensed overwhelming disgust radiation from strangers. I wished I could scream, "I wash my face three times a day and still look this. Don't judge me!"

THE BREAKING POINT

Eight month into my acne nightmare, I worked up the courage to go out to dinner with friends, Afterward, in my room, my pent up anxiety  sent me into a panic attack. I began hate myself crying  hysterically, thinking that everyone was disgusted by face. I shook uncontrollably, couldn't control my breathing, my body and mind went numb. I did called my best friend to asking how anyone could stand to be seen with me. I felt helpless and not pretty.
 A week later, I met with a friend who experience with acne, and she felt I was suffering from social anxiety  and clinical depression she recommended I see a dermatologist and suggest I confide in close friends and family so I don't feel alone. (it's helped) because of insurance reason and can't help to habit picky,squeeze into pimples.
I haven't been go to dermatologist yet, but four month ago my regular doctor told me and suggest try  birth control and an anti-inflammatory antibiotic. they've worked a bit, but I still have severe acne.
I hate that society makes me feel less pretty because of a thing I can't control. but I 'm working on loving myself.
When I feel insecure, I throw myself into reality and work (I'm proud to be in honor to became mother and god mother. No matter what people say. it is what's on the inside that matter most. And I'm doing my best everyday to remember that.


Love, Channy \m/_

HOW ACNE GAVE ME CONFIDENCE

I remember to feel used to be happily became unexpected upside on my struggle for acne skin early.

When I used to be young pretty girl until I entered to high school my skin itself change break out acne.

" you used to be pretty  until you become a pimple"  that's an exactly I saw message text from somewhere book when I was 7th grade. Yes I did have early acne, but up until then, I had always been self assured. At that moment, every positive thought I had about myself  vanished. I hated looking at myself in the mirror, and I was paranoid that people were talking about me behind my back. I was proven right when I came into school after I got braces and saw my guy friends make faces at each other, as if to say "how could she have gotten any worse?". I graduate middle school and entered to high school in my freshmen year started taking care of myself and started to taking the acne isotretinioin, and thought, fresh start! But  the medicine came with downsides. One big one? My skin become extremely breakout dry, and I was super anxious that people were staring at my severely chapped lips and wondering what was wrong with me.

A weird change 

My mom also struggled with bad skin  when she was younger, and he told me that have " having acne builds character". it turn out she was right. As the months went on, I began looking people in the eye when I was talking to them, I spoke up in class, and I didn't mind being the center of attention. I became really outgoing it was a defense mechanism against my insecurities. I reasoned that if people liked my personality, they couldn't  laugh at the way my skin looked. And I think for the most part I was right. because I can't recall a time during that year that I was ridiculed for my skin.

After eight months on medication, I had smooth and clear skin. But as I went into my sophomore year, my acne started to return again. I didn't go back to the med, thought by the I had enough confidence that my breakouts didn't my self esteem. plus I didn't want to deal with the side effects again, Instead, I figured out an at home regimen that worked most of the time.

A Silver lining 

Today, my skin will still is not perfect by any mean and I get insecure at times. But now I'm armed with wisdom that you can never rely on looks alone. (I also learned that having bad skin will not change the way people who truly care about you will treat you.) Having acne seemed like the end of the world, but I see that it was actually a blessing in disguise. I t can make you strong and empathetic and there should be more people our age like that. 

Love, Channy \m/_

Roll with it

Traumarama


Oh. My. Awkward.

I'm kind of a picker eater a date and  my crush asked me to go the Japanese Restaurant. When we got there, I was so nervous that I didn't want to mention I'd  never eat sushi  before. I ordered a few rolls and when they come out I was so excited to see what I thought was a side of guacamole, I scooped it all  into my mouth and immediately tasted it was wasabi. my eye started tearing but I tired to play cool like I knew what I was doing. My crush ordered me  a ice cream to help I didn't feel cool but at least my mouth did!





LoVe, Channy _\m/

Reject on V-Day

During my freshmen year of high school I had the biggest crush on a guy in my English class period.  He always played the basketball and carry the ball everyday also adorable dimple smile,
the most incredible of his eye and handsome face. I would smile and make small talk with him but he always ended up striking up a super-animated conversation with another girls or asking someone else to be his date for dance.
I remember feeling totally rejected on during  early week before valentine day. What  didn't he look at me like he did the girls? But I look back, I've come to realize what I experiencing was rejext.
Rejection entails putting yourself out there, making your voice heard, and getting a hard no. It's  no fun and its stings  it make you eat an entire ice cream and a batch of chocolate chip cookies that's why I  was depression.  Reject,howeve is constantly  thinking, I should've. ...... or what if .......
And never taking action because you fear or feel rejection. I should have at least asked my crush out instead of mentally trying to will him approach me.
Finally I decided to approach him and asked him I did confession to him then he told me that he admitted like me and try ask me for date but I give him attitude and kept ignored him that why he decided to do something same thing to me  sound like karma. I realize I feel totally Idiot myself and took learn my lesson.

I give you advice  is least ask to your crush out for valentine day and don't be fear yourself.  Good luck!

Love, channy \m/_

what are some of your resolution 2016?

what are my resolution 2016?

1. this year in order to keep pushing myself and continue to be happiness and good mother.
2. I will spend my time achieving on smaller goal.
3. I may pledge to exercise more.
4. eat rights and stay health. 
5. travel to new explore place.
6. keeping write on blogging.

What are some of your resolution 2016?

let me know......... good luck for your new future years!

Love, Channy \m/_

Best Of Book 2015:

I've read some books and which best books in 2015?

I recommend the name of books lists:

1)."Finding Zoe: A Deaf Woman's Story of Identify, Love, and Adoption."

When I bought the book "Finding Zoe: A Deaf Woman's Story of identifying, love and adoption ". This is a book is simply profound, it sounds like a cliche to say it could your life but it may Once you read this first paragraph you are compelled to ignore the world and continue reading. I could not stop until I turned the last page in the end.
This is the most emotional book I ever read in my life, there are many similarities that I experience as like Brandi grow up. this brings a lot of memories from me and I was struggling when I was growing up.  like struggles, loves, and hope are universal it's what I found most satisfying in the book also what I like most about it is there are themes from deaf culture, discrimination, an unexpected pregnancy, identify, struggles and self-acceptance all themes each one of us can relate to. The reminder that regardless of who we are, we can rise above and successfully over obstacles life throws our way. I recommend you should reading because stories that will inspire you to really pursue your dream.

2). "I'll scream later by Marlee Matlin"

When I met Marlee and signature this book at Deaf Nation Expo Las Vegas, I was excited to see her as a real person. she is a very nice person to lecture her book to tell about her life stories I found this book to be compelling and very moving. I think Marlee is extremely brave to bare her soul as she did. She has been an inspiration to me and should been an inspiration to anyone with any obstacles they may face in their lives.bbbf weds helloppsddppeicpiece and I like that i really  felt that marlee was talknnnnnnnnn
I found this book to be compelling and very moving. I think Marlee is extremely brave to bare her soul as she did. She has been an inspiration to me and should been an inspiration to anyone with any obstacles they may face in their lives.
When I read like a stream of consciousness piece and I like that I really felt that Marlee was talking and signing to me, a story of her amazing life brutally honest and at a time quite brave, Marlee asks for no excuses apologies or pity for who she is. she let us know, lets into her world for alike while, sometimes the order is confusing but it can easily be overcome and it should as this fanatic story that should be shared with hearing and hard of hearing and deaf like me.

3). "Belonging at Fifteen, belonging is everything...."

When my mom bought book for me I was 15 yrs old and read this book. A story of an adolescent girl gustie who contract an illness leaving her deaf living in a whole new world she learns how to  adjust her life and gain acceptance her disability also learn a lot about people and about deafness, learns what is reality become deaf belong to her.

Love,channy \m/_