I can't stop picking my acne skin

"I can't stop picking my acne skin"

How do you know when I innocent and become habit has turned something way more serious?!

I decide to write share my journey habits

When I was  little girl and still wondering looked at my mother, she always picking on her skin face like cheeks,neck and everywhere you talk about mention on it. then I was thought that's cool to picking on the skin or face sound fun.

When I become teenager and started high school, I convinced my mother gave me some money for make up stuff or take me to go make up artist at mall or salon either and they doing for me. then I went to school and felt pretty but inside of myself touching on my face and felt a pimple was pressure from any pimple irritation. I scratched and squeeze it off and often make me feel so good.


Afterward, I felt something different and walking to bathroom then see a mirror of myself notice that I have huge ugly white pimple and I was like eww! and instantly something in my mind clicked: picking those pimple felt .... soothing. Everyday my fingers return to every the spot. When there was nothing left to pick no pimple over my face, I started to scratch at dry pimple or bumps until they bled, covering my face on make up (everywhere on my face include my body).

 My habit!

In  the years that followed, whenever I was stressed by my life, school,boy drama, argument with my family, or simply bored, I picked. Doing it made me feel good or guilty and even more anxious, which caused by me to pick more.  My mother and my friend include my boyfriend were aware of my habit, but they didn't realize  how bad it was. I'd get some relief by washing my face,take snack time to eat ice cream and watch any movies also tv show because compliments I'd receive on my mood was good would allow me to temporarily forget what they were hiding. No one could see that my acne became disappear and fading  addition coverage foundation too after washing it because fresh and less red spot skin wounds. And they had no clue that when I looked in a mirror it wasn't for touch- ups but to make sure I'd gotten all of the skin become dry and oily of my face. I was constantly nervous that I'd be caught. In fact, a simple " you have something on your face"sent a rush of fear through me.

Finding a way to find

After college, I leave to college and withdrawal. I became homesick and return to my hometown in New York City and looking for job but offer training school for data entry job. I did found a job what I love doing work at hospital and doing data entry clerk and medical assistant  make me focus and task thing to do so far make me forget picking on my acne.  I met co-worker where I work in medical record office and co-worker tell me that I have acne problem and systems seemed similar  to her same issue her disorder  which  people  compulsively pull out their hair, picking the skin every body or else
also the relief that it creates the inability to stop doing it and the emotional distress it causes stress, anxious,pressure,angry,depression etc. I discovered I have real a problem that the dermatology.
I try my best to adjust my action and emotions. after 10 years of break out I ready to show my real skin become acne and don't have to hide anymore I still proud of myself being acne. Somehow I always know I still beautiful inside and outside what I am today.
I'd be more aware of it every time I picking on my skin when i see "pimple" become my habit to squeeze it because it's gross thing. however My excitement was short-lived. The weeks were more difficult, I got discouraged, and my anxiety and frustration grew. But when A cosmetology explained that If I didn't stop picking, I could keeping clear my face and become smooth  everything will different and pimple less.

The Final Stretch

It's been fourth months since I began to take care of my skin acne but still challenge to try stop habit touch my face or see it then squeeze it. I'm not healed , but I 'm still doing a lot better. My recovery going waves someday I won't touch or avoid the mirror when i see it and stop it. like example it just feels habitual and mindless- a major step that gives me hope. When I can, I wear on foundation to hide scar and acne prevent myself from touching on my skin acne  and keeps busy although some scar and acne  not go away, they'll remind me of how far I've come.


Love, Channy \m/_

What's your grateful?

 When you think about it and want to saying

                    Grateful For......

1. Early make up = children to love
2. House to clean = safe place to live
3. Laundry= clothes to wear
4. Dishes to wash = food to eat
5. Crumbs under the table = family meals
6. Grocery shopping = money to provide for us 
7. Toilets to clean = indoor plumbing
8.  Lots of noise= people in my life
9. Endless questions about homework= kids brains growing
10. Sore + Tired in the bed = I'm still alive!

                           AMEN!!!! 

 do you think and write on lists what you grateful for?
Love,Channy \m/_

Do not dress up for your partner and dress up for yourself

Ladies and Gents!

Do not dress up for your partner and dress up for yourself

The few boyfriends I had before I got real fiance. they led me to believe I was too high maintenance. Not that being low maintenance is a bad thing either. but my high maintenance-ness didn't cost them a dime (of course I paid for my own make up, hair dye, stuff and clothes) it didn't waste their time ( I always allocated enough time to get dressed before i met up with them). It had nothing to do with me, but everything to do with how uncomfortable they were to have someone put together stand next to them. Instead of putting more effort to work out or to iron a shirt they decide to put down so I could stop looking so fantastical.

One boyfriend thought, did get to me. I started to feel really bad about dress up that I stopped. Little by little I let myself go and by the end of the relationship in my past he cheated on me I was left looking like someone I didn't even recognized.

so after that experience I told myself that no one should have a say in how I choose to feel about how I look. I like make up When I am not too lazy to put it on, when I get dressed I feel like million bucks. Although those things shouldn't be the reason why you are confident in yourself because with make up and clothes I still feel 100% . when I get dressed though, I feel 200% and I can rule the world.

My point is just be yourself and be happy doing what you like or what you want. If someone can't understand it and well they are loser. You putting effort in yourself is a good thing. It's not shallow, it  doesn't  mean you care too much about your looks, its mean you love yourself enough to care for yourself. On opposite end of that spectrum, just because you put little effort doesn't mean you hate yourself either. you might just be comfortable in your own skin and that's how is should be as well.
So the person you spend time with should always respect that you love yourself.

Yes, I might spend more time than the average girl but just because I put an extra 45 min into my looks doesn't mean I wasted 45 min. I woke up 45 min earlier than most. I can do everything anyone can make up, heels and pink hair inst handicap I'm just as productive creative when I want to be.

So do you love yourself and your confidence will attract the best kind of people. be happy being yourself.

Love, Channy \m/_